


letters from colonel oats’ military academy

by starearring



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: M/M, military school au??????, sad kinda....
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:27:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27160009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starearring/pseuds/starearring
Summary: ted is sent to military school, and writes a letter to bill everyday.
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 32
Kudos: 91





	1. boys don’t cry

_ 10 - 09 - 89 _

_ My most beloved friend Bill, _

_ Camouflage is bogus. I don’t ever wanna see it ever again in my whole life dude. I miss the most righteous autonomy of clothing. It’s only my 1st week here and I am most incredibly sick of it.  _

_ And dude…  _ ~~_ there _ ~~ _ they’re cutting my hair Friday!!!!!!!! Colonel Oats was all like “you’re gonna look just like your father dude!” and I was like “sir  _ _~~sargent~~ _ ~~_ sergent _ ~~ _ sergeant dude that is nauseatingly egregious”  _

_ I wish you could feel the most spectacular tummy aches I get when I think about looking like my dad. Well. I don’t want you to feel them. Because it totally blows. But you could probably empathize most accurately with me. Even from all the way in San Dimas. Youve always been good with that stuff dude. Feeling what I feel you know what I mean? We’ve always been on the same wavelength. Tell me if your stomach felt weird on the 9th when you get this Bill.  _

_ Your best and most excellent friend, _

_ Ted Theodore Logan  _

  
  
  
  


_ 10 - 25 - 89 _

_ Dude, _

_ I’m writing this to you a little bummed. A lot bummed. Most indefinitely bummed. Halloween is next week and youre not here!!! My friend this will be our first Halloween apart since like forever. 7 years? I dont know. We were supposed to be vampires this year remember? metal vampires. I think you should still be one since you bought those bodaciously spiky boots from the mall just for that. You could mail me a picture of your costume! even though I wouldn’t get it until after Halloween. Bogus.  _

_ I still would want to see though. I know you’ll look most excellent. most sexy! Youd make a sexy metal vampire Bill. Maybe youll have better luck picking up some sexy vampire babes now that im not there!  _

_ Actually thinking of me not being there has me most immensely sad. maybe don’t pick up babes without me.  _

_ The other sexy excellent vampire,  _

_ Ted Theodore Logan _

_ P.S. _

_ Bill I just remembered you were gonna paint my nails black like I was a dude from KISS! Now I guess you’ll have to do that yourself too. with pictures.  _

  
  
  
  


_ 11-12-89 _

_ Dear Bill S. Preston Esquire, _

_ Today I found out my roommate likes Van Halen!!  _

_ I think hes just into the popular songs like Jump and Hot for Teacher but talking to someone about something I like right now is most excellent for my psyche. Hes a cool dude. Younger than me I think. And he has a best friend back home he misses too! Theyre both from Riverside though. He was telling me that him and the best friend dude used to steal his big brothers skateboard and try to learn tricks until one time he bailed from a kick flip and sent the board right under a car! I guess it cracked in half and they each kept a piece. Reminds me of Deacon. Remember when he broke my board? At least he did it in front of us. he never had the balls to steal it from me. That’s probably cause of my dad though. Like the most intense instilling of fear in us when we were kids. And now still I guess.  _

_ While im thinking about it: will you check on Deacon for me Bill? You know my dads work schedule if you dont want a most unsavory encounter with him but Deac should be home during the weekdays. I just wanna make sure hes OK. Cant protect him from the wrath of the mighty captain Logan out here. Not that he hates Deacon as much as he hates me.  _

_ Hope this doesnt sound gay or something but I really miss you bill. My roommate is a slurpee in a hot car in comparison to you my friend. Maybe we can  _ ~~_ aline _ ~~ _ align our sleep schedules up sometime. Seeing you in my dreams would be stellar.   
  
_

~~_ Dreaming about you _ ~~

_ Thinking of you,  _

_ Your favorite Ted Theodore Logan _

  
  
  
  
  


_ 12 - 11 - 89 _

_ Dear Bill _

_ Today is bad. Heinous. I don’t even feel like writing right now dude. Moving my hand feels most egregiously difficult. Im exhausted. Not  _ ~~_ sleping _ ~~ _ sleeping good. We have a history test tomorrow and it does not feel right to be studying without you Bill. History is  _ _ our _ _ thing dude. I miss you so much. Not in a fag way. I miss you. _

_ Ted _

  
  
  
  
  


_ 12 - 15 - 89 _

_ Dear Bill,  _

_ DUDE!! I just found out that I get to come home for christmas! Next week dude!! I have not been this ecstatic in months. This is the most excellent news I have ever received!!! Even if my dad doesn’t let me see you im sneaking out dude. Ive been getting my work done early so I can contemplate what our  _ _ excellent _ _ christmas plans will be. I was thinking while my dads at work we could go to your house and listen to that girly christmas record your dad always puts on around this time. I know we always rag on it but that wonderful christmastime song by the  _ ~~_ beetles _ ~~ _ beatles dude came into my head when I was in the showers and it filled my head with a most overwhelming sense of nostalgia. I had this memory of your dad taking us to that vacation place his work pays for every year. Up north in the mountains? It was 7th grade and your dad was snoring so loud in the hotel room it totally woke us up. and we happened to look out the window and it was snowing but snowing like there was a blizzard or something, so we ran outside in our pjs and the wind was just HEINOUS but it was our very first time seeing snow!! Both you and me dude. We were so stoked we hugged for a long long time but also because we were cold I think we hugged longer. We are matured men now and I have made the decision to not think that was fag behavior. Youre my dude bill! I feel strongly that dudes should be able to hug other dudes. I think military school made me miss hugs. I need a most tender Bill Hug right now. Anyways dude I hope you get this in a timely manner so we can hang as long as possible when I get home.   
  
_

_ See you soon, _

_ Ted Theodore Logan _

  
  
  
  


_ 01 - 08 - 90 _

_ Dear Bill,  _

_ I just barely got your letter. I tried calling your house a bunch of times and wondered why no one picked up I even went by your house and there were no cars in the front or anything. I figured you were out of town or something but i couldnt figure out why you wouldnt tell me. But it was in the letter you sent. That I just barely got. Heinous.  _

_ I hope arizona was excellent bill. Happy New Years! miss you _

_ Ted _


	2. turn around, look at me

_01 - 17 - 90_

_My bodacious colleague Bill,_

_Sorry if the letters last week seemed angry or something dude. I know its not either of our faults that the mail system is so egregiously slow. Im just really bummed. I miss you like crazy dude! We should be spending the 90s together. Its a whole new decade and im starting it out without my most distinguished other half. But let me tell you bill: winters are BOGUS in alaska. Like heinously so. It is shockingly frigid 24/7. And its like everybody here isnt experiencing the same thing!!! They all wear short sleeves and most inappropriate winter wear. Alaskans suck dude._

_Yours most truly,_

_Ted Theodore Logan_

  
  
  


_01 - 30 - 90_

_Dear Bill,_

_My_ ~~_roomate_~~ _roommate found the pile of letters i wrote to you this week on our desk and was totally reading all my stuff! I walked in on him and he was like “what the hell is this dude is this your boyfriend?” and i was all like “what thats heinous dude im not a fag thats my best friend bill why are you most surreptitiously sifting through my stuff anyways?” and he was like “dude its okay if youre gay ted i like boys too i get it”... MOST UNEXPECTED. I dont know how i feel sharing a room with a gay dude bill like im sure he wont pull anything creepy because he listens to Van Halen and is cool but like thats kinda weird dude. I dont know. My dad told me that when he was in bootcamp he had a gay roomate and he was like totally handsy with him so my dad beat him up. But i dont think i could beat this dude up bill. He likes van halen!! Thats like against code or something back to my story though. I just didnt say anything and he gave me this weird look so i just shoved the letters in my bag so sorry if the other ones are a little gnarly in the smoothness-of-paper aspect. Now im writing this to you and he keeps looking at me from his cot and i dont know why. Maybe he lied about being gay dude!!! Maybe it was a utterly evil plot and since i didnt say i was NOT gay he thinks im gay and is gonna beat ME up. Bill these are most confusing times. Were not gay are we dude? Being pen pals is a best friend thing and were best friends! Were the bestest best friends in the whole universe dude! If i were gay id pay attention to the slight stomach muscle you show off when you_ ~~_where_~~ _wear cut off shirts or the golden hair on your arms that you cant see unless youre really looking that most perfectly accentuates the veins on your arms like a perpetual ray of sun shining down. But were both normal dudes so i dont even think things like that._

_Not gayly,_

_Ted Theodore Logan_

_P.S. i am most vulnerable in these letters and my roommate totally took advantage of that. Bogus. I dont even remember his name._

  
  
  
  


_02 - 02 - 90_

_Dear Bill S. Preston Esquire,_

_I wanna go home dude. Im tired of being around all these dudes whos only aspirations are to be soldiers or cops. I wanna come home bill I wanna listen to new music with you again and jam in your garage and show you all the lyrics I wrote. I just feel most inexplicably sad and ive never felt this way in my whole life. when im with you theres no reason to be sad dude! I know youre probably thinking “ted you were miserable when your mom left dude! of course youve been really sad before!” But thats another thing ive been thinking about lately. I think my dad was a total wifebeater bill. I have this memory of me being little and my mom and dad fighting most deafeningly loud in the other room. I heard this crash and this weird noise from my mom and she comes in and her nose is all bloody and just really messed up and she told me she tripped. she said that over and over dude. she tripped and fell and knocked some dishes over on the floor. I was most concerned but I thought it was a accident like she said. I dont remember seeing my dad again that same day. But bill I dont think she tripped. anyways dude sorry to lay it all on you like that but things have been rather strange here at the military academy. For me at least._

_Ted Logan_

  
  
  


_02 - 14 - 90_

_My dearest friend Bill,_

_Happy valentines day dude! I hope the babes rejoiced you on this most renowned day of love! I have an unseemly and shocking story for you today bill. Me and my roommate (whos name is dylan james by the way dude! found this out a few days ago) were up late last night sitting on my bed and arguing about how good slippery when wet by bon jovi is (that album is stellar and you know it dude I know your face is most judgemental right now.) and we started talking about our lives before we had to come here and we had a lot in common since were both cali dudes. He was saying that his hair used to be as long as mine when i first came here but it was in braids with little beads in them!! isnt that metal!? Now hes so bald his head is shiny dude! I showed him the picture of you in your halloween costume and told him how me and you used to hang out in your garage and write music for our band. He thought that was really cool and said that if we put our music on tapes he’ll share it with his best friend because when they go to the skatepark they always take their walkmans with them and he thinks that our music would be most excellent to skate to and i was so stoked and i thought you would be too. Then we were talking about missing california weather and all of a sudden he puts his hand on top of mine!!!! So im thinking like man maybe this is what my dad beat that dude up for but it couldnt be because this isnt bad! Im not gay but its so not bad. most surprisingly pleasant in fact!! So then were like totally holding hands Bill and we start talking about how maybe our society is not very accepting of dude-to-dude affection kinda like i wrote to you about a while back. He told me he wishes that it wouldnt be weird to tell his best friend that he loves him. I agree but you know i love you bill dont you? I dont have to tell you that for you to know right? the more i pondered his most thought-provoking statement i realized how we havent_ _told_ _each other in words anything like that since my mom left. I told him that i really love you and that maybe i should tell you that more often. As a best friend you know!! And dude he smiled at me but like sad? Like his eyes bill they looked sad while he was smiling?? it made me get a most heavy feeling in my chest and we just made eye contact for a while that was totally intense and you know what he did dude?? He kissed me on the cheek!!! Bill he_ _kissed_ _me!! He kissed me and turned off the light and went to sleep dude! And i just sat there most confused and my whole body felt like it was totally on fire._

_He ignored me today and i feel bad for him but i feel so strange and i dont know what to say. Anyways bill i need you to help me out here because i just dont know what to do or what any of this means and youre really smart and if you could figure this all out thatd be most triumphant._

_Most sincerely,_

_Ted Theodore Logan_

  
  
  


_03 - 05 - 90_

_Dear Bill,_

_It’s been 3 weeks and I havent heard anything from you. usually you are most punctual in your letter sending even with the mail system totally fighting against us, but it’s been so long dude. Is this because I didn’t agree WYLD STALLYNS should have a Christmas album? I am willing to come to a compromise with our creative differences Bill. I know its for the greater good of our band._

_Send a letter soon dude,_

_Ted Theodore Logan_

  
  
  


_03 - 07 - 90_

_Bill,_

_Is it actually about the valentines day letter? Bill im not gay dude i promise that day was just utter bogus i dont know why he did that or why he would think i would like it because i dont like dudes. and i dont remember what i said in the letter i didnt like the kiss thing i really didnt bill it was so bad. I totally get what youre thinking being friends with a fag would be non non heinous and weird so it is important you know im not one OK? I dont remember what i wrote but i was probably sleep writing dude or maybe my roommate wrote something while i wasnt looking so if theres something gay sounding its probably that. Im sorry bill please write back soon_

_Ted_


	3. all the lonely nights in your life

The letter sending was fine.  
Bill would have much preferred to hear Ted’s voice over the phone, or have him there next to him, of course, but a couple weeks’ worth of letters once or twice a month wasn’t the worst deal.

He read about all Ted’s first week; lived it with him. He desperately wished to see what Ted’s hair looked like- or rather, the lack thereof. He read through every painful and personal recount of a shitty childhood, spurred on by loneliness and too much time on his hands to think about everything his life had been prior to military academy. Bill read about his nameless roommate, who was a Van Halen fan, and accepted this fact even though he felt as if he should be the only person Ted associates with Van Halen.  
Besides Eddie, of course.  
Bill had never read this much in his life, but each letter was a reassurance Ted didn’t become some total militant loser who was eager to lose his life for his country.  
Ted was still Ted, and Ted _loved_ him.

“ _Woah_ …” Bill thinks to himself.

He reads over the line over and over, making sure that yeah, that’s what Ted wrote all right. It’s the week after a very lonely Valentines Day, and suddenly there was a letter in his hands and Ted was telling Bill he loves him- and in the deepest crevice of his brain, Bill thought of it as a confession, of some sort.

He’s incredibly appreciative of the way Ted had talked him up, especially to his roommate- the roommate Bill hated to hear about, if only for the sneaking suspicion his best friend was being stolen from him- and downright _giddy_ somewhere behind the logistic heterosexual part of his mind to hear that Ted loves him so dearly he thought it was common sense. But he’s unable to dwell on the oddly soaring feeling in his chest very long when Ted tells him that the roommate held his hand and… kissed him and...  
Ted probably liked it.  
… Ted most definitely liked it.

Bill’s stomach twisted itself in knots until he was forced to put the letter aside.

The late night talking thing? Obscenely jealousy-inducing, admittedly, but fine.  
The hand holding thing? The kissing thing? Crossing the line.

But… Bill isn’t sure why.

They’ve both kissed babes before.  
In fact, Bill and Ted were right next to each other when they kissed said babes. Ted can totally kiss whatever babes he wants to, maybe even if Bill isn’t beside him.

But dudes?  
It’s not like Bill minds gay people, but if Ted liked dudes enough to kiss one, why wouldn’t he just kiss Bill?

" _Oh,_ ” he thinks to himself, “ _That is a most peculiar thought_.”

He feels a little sweaty and dizzy, and brings a pillow over his face as he inelegantly falls backwards onto his bed.  
It’s not like he wants Ted to kiss him or anything, but dudes can be kind of nasty and scary sometimes- especially ones from military school- and the thought of someone hurting Ted makes him feel nauseated. If Ted just kissed Bill, then not only would he conveniently find out if he was gay or not, but Bill could ensure his safety. Just like any best friend would want. But Bill wasn’t there, and Bill wasn’t the one kissing Ted’s cheek. Some bald, Van Halen-liking skater dude was. He tries not to think about why it’s making him so upset. He tugs a shoebox out from his closet, and stuffs the letter and all the others inside, and so it begins; Bill can’t get himself to read the letters anymore, and any envelopes that come in with Bill S. Preston Esquire scribbled on the front get shoved in the box and kicked under his bed.

They won’t bring Ted back to San Dimas, or stop him from getting kissed by military school boys, so what’s the point?

But the guilt of going radio silent with no explanation gnaws at him everyday. He’s angry. He doesn’t wanna look like a total homo, but the thought of Ted being close to anyone else brings on a type of hurt and despair that Bill can’t even begin to address. It hurts in the base of his throat, deep in his gut, behind the backs of his eyes. It’s not like Ted belongs to him, he’s a totally free dude, but Ted belongs with him. Ted’s place is right next to Bill, and that’s indisputable.  
Things have always been simple like that.  
Bill didn’t have much to be sad about, and even when he did, he didn’t dwell on it for long, especially when he had Ted around. His whole life was composed of lackadaisical happiness, and nothing ever meant too much to him; now that Ted’s gone, Bill finds himself experiencing a whole range of emotion he wasn’t even aware existed.

And inexorably, the shoebox overflows one day, and Bill feels utterly heartbroken. But it’s enough to convince him to open the letters from that week, read through one after another as they grow increasingly solemn, until he opens the last letter with the most recent date and it’s a sad, sad plea, words smeared with what are undoubtedly tear drops, begging Bill to not hate him like there was even a single bone in Bill’s body that allowed him to feel anything but adoration for Ted. He feels so much remorse that he thinks he might bawl.

He missed the opportunity to see him in December, stopped responding to his letters, made Ted think he hates him for being gay or something, totally made Ted _cry_ …  
He fucked up.  
Egregiously.

And yet, he still can’t convince himself to write back. He just can’t.

He tries- “ _Dearest Ted Theodore Logan, it’s not the gay thing. It’s definitely not the gay thing_ ”- but psyches himself out. What if Ted doesn’t even wanna hear from him? What if Ted shows his roommate the letter and they laugh at it together? What if they’re not even best friends anymore? Bill doesn’t want to find out. He rips the letter up in a billion tiny pieces, punching his mattress out of frustration and flipping himself face down onto the pile of dirty clothes on his bed. His throat hurts with the restraint of a sob, but he refuses to let himself cry.

“ _Bogus_ ,” he whispers to himself, blinking away tears.

It’s the smack-dab middle of May, and today, Junior year is finally over.

The letters stop in early March, and Bill finds it’s a lot easier to continue his life this way.

His guitar has remained untouched for months. He only eats once a day instead of his usual balanced three. He doesn’t listen to music anymore, especially not by himself, unless it’s from his van’s radio. Even then, he mostly leaves it off.

But his grades are up, his room is clean. He finally got his license, and his dad bought him a van. He goes to bed early. He runs every morning before school to clear his head, for the first time since 7th grade when he was in track. He lost his virginity- the night of prom to one of the English foreign exchange students (Eliza? Lizzy?)- but to be fair, that ended up being most abhorrent. He sped home in his van that night, and the minute he closed his bedroom door, he burst into tears.

It was overwhelming and uncontrollable, and as he sat on his bed, he forced himself to think of anything not as heinously lame as bawling like a baby after boning a chick with an accent. He thought for a second, then rummaged through his dresser, hesitantly popping a VHS into the player under the TV, crudely labeled “ _WYLD STALLYNS DEMO #69_ ”. As soon as Ted’s voice hit the TV’s speakers, he was crying again. He wiped at his nose indignantly, trying to make the tears go away through sheer force of will. But Ted’s staticky voice was cozy and warm, and Bill tiredly relented and crashed minutes later, still in his thrifted tux, face hot and tears staining his red cheeks.

He’s driving home, now, from a few monotonous hours of running errands for his dad and Missy after school, and he drums his hands against the hot steering wheel impatiently, just wanting to be home and under the covers, despite the suffocating heat. It’s his first summer without Ted, and he tries his best not to think of the rollercoaster of emotions his mind will most inevitably put him on. He had cried to Missy about it last night- this whole _crying_ thing is SO non-triumphant- and she had promised him a conciliatory ice cream date after brunch with her girlfriends. Bill was incredibly thankful for the prospect of having something to keep his mind busy, even momentarily. He cranks the AC and wipes the back of his hand across his sweaty temple, the heat making him increasingly antsy at the stoplight.

He’s just pulling into his driveway when he sees someone camped out on his doorstep, sitting hunched over between their long legs, elbows on their knees. He skeptically edges closer to his garage to park, and suddenly brakes so hard he gives himself whiplash.

He rips the keys from the ignition and stumbles out of the car, not bothering to close the door.  
_“Ted?”_ he asks incredulously, eyes wide and heart beating so fast he thinks he might hyperventilate.

Sure enough, Ted quickly stands and just grins at him nervously, picking at his fingers and shifting his weight.

“Hey, dude!”

_“Ted!”_

Bill smiles the widest he has in months and runs towards him at full speed, and Ted intercepts him with no hesitation, squeezing his arms around Bill’s midsection and lifting him, spinning him around. They laugh and laugh, right in each other’s faces.  
“ _What are you doing here, dude!?”_ Bill asks as he’s set on his feet again.  
“Got home yesterday and remembered San Dimas High gets out today, dude! Most excellent timing.”  
They’re both out of breath, and Ted’s holding him so tightly Bill can feel his chest rise and fall. Ted’s hair has grown out from the aforementioned buzz cut, now falling a little bit further than the tips of his ears. He’s wearing a ratty _Guns N’ Roses_ tee, one he usually reserves for sleep, tucked into beige camouflage pants. “Sorry,” says Ted bashfully between breaths as Bill gives him a once over, chest still heaving, “These pants are totally lame, but they’re the only clean clothes I had left.”  
“Bogus,” Bill says, equally labored, “That’s okay, dude. They look nice.” Ted smiles down at him warmly, then laughs.  
“You’re gay, dude,” he says, and Bill laughs and thinks Ted’s cheeks might be red, but figures it’s from the sweltering sun. “Ted, how long have you been out here?”  
“Only a couple hours, Bill, no worries!”  
Bill’s eyebrows raise in disbelief. “A few hours, dude?”  
“I lost my watch at Oats’! I didn’t know what time it was so I just winged it, dude. Kinda hoped someone would be home to let me in, but I was cool waiting out here for you. Plus, it’s cold in Alaska. I’m just soakin’ up the Cali sun.”  
Bill smiles and they telepathically decide it’s a feat worthy of some air guitar, both thankful that the motion seems perpetual. Ted shoves his hands in his pockets, and Bill reaches up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Ted’s ear with no idea as to what makes him do so.  
“You are most sweat-ridden, my friend,” Bill comments, Ted shyly keeping his gaze with a blank face, “And your hair is unusually short. I don’t know that I can get used to this, dude.”  
“Yeah…” mumbles Ted inattentively, staring right at him. Bill stares right back, not understanding why Ted’s going totally blank, until his line of vision drops to Bill’s mouth for a second and suddenly Bill gets it. “ _Bill_ , you should… I think you should-“  
His hand never moves from the side of Ted’s face, and he leans up on his tiptoes, Ted’s hands flying to his hips to steady him, and kisses him hard and with so much affection Ted feels like there’s a chance he’s dreaming.  
Ted’s holding him at his lower back when they part, and Bill looks up at him with lovestruck disbelief. Ted’s whole head bobbles when he breathes out a “ _Wooah_.”  
“Dude, did we just…?” Bill whispers, feeling a little lightheaded.  
“Yeah, we…” Ted tries, still holding him, “Are we… are we gay, dude?”  
“I guess- I guess so. Heinous.”  
“Was… _kissing_ me heinous?” Ted asks innocuously, murmuring “kissing” like it’s a bad word.  
“No, no! I mean, unless you thought it was.”  
“No way! It was- your lips are soft like- like a chick’s.” Bill’s jaw drops a little at that, cheeks and ears splotchy with red, and Ted quickly looks away in embarrassment, mumbling, “Or something.”  
Ted struggles to find words, until Bill whips his head up and squints quizzically.  
“Wait, Ted, did you get taller?”  
“Maybe so,” says Ted with a lazy grin, “Haven’t measured myself in a while, dude.”  
“You totally did!” Bill cries out with a laugh, “Bullshit!”  
Ted laughs and ruffles his hair patronizingly like he would a little kid’s, and with his fingers caught in the thick coils, he leans down; simultaneously, Bill leans up again, and just before their lips meet Ted asks, “ _Can I?_ ”, low and gentle and nervous and sweet- so Ted-like- and Bill huffs out a small laugh and just kisses him.  
Like they’ve been doing this their whole lives, Bill’s hands grip at his shoulder and in his hair, Ted’s hand sliding down to the back of his neck in a firm hold, and he’s positive he’s never felt such a strong urge to kiss someone in his entire seventeen (almost eighteen) years of living. It’s simple lip smacking and he can’t get enough, even if Ted’s lips are a little dry, coming from a colder climate.

The sun shows the first signs of setting, the cicadas around the irrigation system starting to get rowdy, anxious to start their chitter-chatter, and Ted starts sniffling into the kiss. His tears wet Bill’s cheeks along with his own, and it’s only a few seconds until they’re both silently crying and Bill is wringing his hands into Ted’s shirt and hiccupping against his chest. Ted’s voice cracks when he says, “I thought- I thought you hated me, Bill, I thought I was- I was- never… we were never gonna talk again and everything- everything was gonna be different, I’m- I’m sorry, Bill-“ and Bill just pulls at his shirt harder, trying to get closer. “Ted, dude, I… It’s okay- I’m sorry, Ted, I’m- I’m sorry. I could never hate you, dude. Even if you’re- if we‘re-“  
He sniffles and tries to compose himself. “We just- just found ourselves in an atypical situation, Ted, I- I don’t know what- what we were supposed to do better, dude.” “I don’t know, Bill,” Ted says into blonde curls, “I’m so happy we’re together. I don’t know what I’m gonna do after this summer.”  
Bill unclenches his hands and pulls back to look him in the eye. Ted drops his head to touch their foreheads together.  
“I don’t think I can be away from you again, Bill,” Ted says miserably, his bottom lip trembling, “ _I can’t leave you_.”  
Ted ducks into Bill’s shoulder and Bill wraps his arms the best he can around Ted’s wide frame, trying his best to hold back any further tears in a feeble attempt to stay strong for him.  
“Let’s just run away, dude,” he whispers, and Ted just nods against his collarbone. Bill feels Ted’s shoulders shake as he erupts into quiet sobs again.

The sun is dipping behind the surrounding houses by the time they make it inside, eyes red and noses stuffy. Their tears have mostly dried, but Bill still finds his breathing a little uneven. They talk for hours in Bill’s bed, home alone, Missy’s “brunch” date apparently running very late (she gets home around seven o’ clock, excited to see Ted back home and interrupting their conversation to give him a kiss on the head and a tight hug). They exchange stories about school, about new friends and annoying teachers.  
They have the vaguely tense conversation about Ted’s roommate, Ted explaining that he is “ _totally not in love with him_ ”, that the kiss was “ _unplanned, I swear, Bill!_ ”, and how he just thinks that he is “ _very cool and most classically handsome_ ”, which makes Bill’s face drop in what is undeniably a pout until Ted makes the quick decision to kiss him on the mouth, telling him “ _but you’re my dude, dude_.”  
Bill has to lie down to recover from that one.  
Around eight, they’re sharing the same pillow and Bill's starting to fall asleep, early sleep schedule catching up to him, and Ted just holds him, scratching his scalp where Bill’s head is resting at his chest like his mom used to do when he was a kid. Ted had to sleep early, too, at military school, but stayed up writing letters or talking to his roommate or tossing and turning on his thin cot. He says this aloud to Bill, who nods and asks him to keep talking as he falls out. There’s music playing in Bill’s room for the first time in months, a beat up tape that Ted had put together for Bill’s 14th birthday, and in different ways, they’re both so relieved to hear music again. _Their_ music, not today’s hits from the Oats’ cafeteria speakers, or metal digestible for casuals on the San Dimas local radio station. Ted tells him this, too, but Bill has started to snore, and Ted has to hold in a giggle so he doesn’t wake him. His own eyelids start to droop, Bill awfully warm and sturdy against him, so he closes his eyes and pulls Bill a little closer, pressing a kiss to his head just because it feels right. The letters are _truly_ nothing compared to this.

The impending end of Summer startles Ted awake again. He sighs shakily, and Bill doesn't budge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading <3
> 
> songs for each chapter title:
> 
> chapter 1, boys don't cry, the cure  
> https://youtu.be/YSAqXEcgoZ4
> 
> chapter 2, turn around, look at me, the vogues  
> https://youtu.be/xEvZwRJnOnI
> 
> chapter 3, all the lonely nights in your life, american pleasure club  
> https://youtu.be/y540mxhc2gg

**Author's Note:**

> https://tedtheodykelogan.tumblr.com/post/632531080099069952
> 
> from dis post


End file.
